Guest Post: What is Retroactive Jealousy and 4 ways you can help yourself.

by - 11:55:00

Hey everyone, welcome to another blog post! For today's post I have had the lovely Nadia write a guest post about Retroactive Jealousy and ways you can help yourself. This is something I hadn't heard about before and was very interested to learn what it was! It's great to get topics that aren't spoken about a lot and bring some awareness to them, it can be tough if you're dealing with this and struggle to find any online support or information on what can be done to help yourself.

Nadia also has her own blog so please do go and check it out:
Also go follow her on Twitter -

Over to Nadia! ↓

Retroactive jealousy isn’t that well heard of, and there’s not actually a lot on it, however, more people experience it than what you might realise. Basically, retroactive jealousy refers to painful thoughts and curiosity regarding a partner's past relationships and/or sexual history.

Personally, I can be sitting watching TV minding my own business and suddenly I get a thought in my head like “I wonder if he slept with this girl? I wonder where and when?”. The thought consumes me so much that I have to ask him or otherwise I can’t think or focus on anything else. When he answers, I find out something I don’t actually want to know, and it hurts me more, but it’s like I can’t control it

Sometimes, I’ll get mental images of him having sex with other girls, girls I know he’s slept with or just random girls. It makes me feel so sick, and again I lock on for a while, I don’t mention this to him though. There’s nothing he can do and it’s not his fault. I do however, go in a mood with him and end up being quite angry, which really isn’t fair.

After researching as much as I can, with the limited knowledge there is, and advice from family and friends I have a few ways of dealing with it:

When you feel yourself starting to feel this way STOPdistract yourself, go for a run, a walk, watch a film. Distract yourself until the thoughts and feelings pass. This does work if you can hold back your thoughts long enough for them to just fade away.

Accept what you know and what might have been. I know quite a lot about my boyfriend’s past, purely because of how much I’ve asked. With this, I tend to try my hardest to just be like ‘it’s happened, c’est la vie, he’s with me now’.

One lady told me to 'forgive him' even though it’s not something you should be forgiving, it’s like putting it to bed, leaving it in the past. If you go to your partner, explain what you’re doing, and say ‘I forgive you for everything’ this helps ease your mind, and hopefully forget.

Why do you want to know? If you feel yourself close to asking something, think, why do I want to know and why do I want to remind him of his past. Why do I care? Its none of my business and it’s not happening now so why does it matter – this one definitely works the best for me, its slightly ridiculing myself, which seems to work.

Here’s all my knowledge splurged out on a page, I hope this helps you if you feel this way, and if your partner feels this way, you need to be patient and reassuring, try to stay calm, I know it’s hard! It’s a wall to break down for you both, when you get through it you’ll be stronger and more connected, I promise!

Nadia x


If you want anymore information on this I have found a BBC news article from someone who also experiences this here

I hope you have enjoyed learning about this or that it has been helpful to you. I just wanted to say a big thank you to Nadia for writing this guest post! 

As always, 
Chat soon ❤

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  1. This is indeed a great awareness post! I have never heard of this Retroactive Jealousy before. I think we all have these types of thoughts running in our mind.Isn't it?? Correct me, If I am wrong..Very interesting post and the tips are great.
    Thanks for sharing!

    1. Thank you! Loved learning about it too as I hadn't heard of it before! I think we all have these thoughts sometimes but I think that this can be slightly different as it consumes your thoughts and nearly every situation you get these thoughts x

  2. I used to be so jealous . have stupid thoughts of what my Man might be doing since he's out . I accuse him of doing things he didn't do . I just couldn't trust him anymore and that left me insecure . I really don't know how I let go of those feelings but I kept talking to myself everyday ,saying I'm better than this and telling myself to trust him again

    1. It can be difficult to trust someone, but I think once you get to know them better and realise that they are trustworthy its something that you don't tend to worry about! xx

  3. This was a very interesting post and thinking about it, I have done this myself on occasion. Especially with partners I know to be more experienced than me or those who had slept around in the past.

    1. Glad you found it interesting! It's pretty normal I think to feel like that, it can take time to trust someone completely! xx

  4. I never heard of retroactive jealousy but I do think it's quite normal for people to become curious about someone's past. Sometimes when you love your partner so much you just want them all for yourself be and you want to know all the details. I like the tip about forgiving, even though the person didn't do anything wrong, it's your way of saying you'll let it go and move forward. Such an interesting post, gonna share this with my friends who are in relationships 😁

    Natonya |

    1. I hadn't before this post either! Yeah I definitely agree, I've definitely spoke to my partner about his past and vice versa, but it can take time to completely trust someone for sure! xx